Have you ever felt so alone, even if you were totally surrounded by other people?
Do you judge yourself by what you see in the mirror?
Ever wonder, "Will I ever find my place in this world?"
That was me.
I'm 24 years old. I'm a missionary, teacher, designer, photographer, writer, blogger, coordinator, editor, and Bible study leader. However, if you would have told me 10 years ago that I would do any of those things, I would've called you crazy!
My early teen years were filled with doubt, discouragement, fear, low self-esteem, depression, and shame. In short, I considered myself fat, ugly, worthless, and useless. At age 15, my family followed the Mexican tradition of hosting a quinceñeara, which is a big fancy and expensive birthday party. Yet, my clearest memories of that same year were marked with self-hatred and even suicidal thoughts. I claimed Christ as my Savior and strived to please Him but my life was aimed at pleasing my friends and peers. Pain and heartache was brought on myself whenever I believed that one of my friends didn't like me anymore or enjoy hanging out with me.
I was a misfit.
How God Can Use A Misfit.
Memories of standing in the shadows watching the beautiful girls around me enjoy their time together clouded my vision.
I was not needed.
Solace could be found in God's Word but I refused to allow it to fill the empty space in my heart. God was near but I held Him back. He moved upon the hearts of leaders in my church to place me in areas of ministry which have helped mold me into who I am today.
First, it was assisting a Sunday School teacher in the Junior Class. Then, helping in Children's Church. Eventually I taught the younger Children's Church Class (Ages 3-6). My best years were riding on our church bus where I had to lay aside my insecurities to knock on the doors of children who wanted to come to church, be a friend to them, and learn from them.
I was a helper.
Gradually, the misfit came out of the shadows and "into his marvellous light". (1 Peter 2:9)
It took years to fully grasp the fact that we weren't made to "fit" in this world but we fit perfectly in God's plan.
Surrender of all fear, doubt, and misery led me to feel the power and warmth of His embrace.
Even now, there are times when I feel out of place, but I know that being in God's will is the best place.
Do you feel as if you're trapped in the shadows and can't feel the joy of those around you? There's hope in Christ. (Colossians 1:27)
Are you burdened by doubts and fears? There's peace in Christ. (Psalm 29:11; Romans 5:1; John 14:27)
Does your destiny seem clouded by your past? There's forgiveness in Christ. (Psalm 86:5; Ephesians 1:7; 1 John 1:9)
Have you been labeled a "misfit"? Or perhaps... you label yourself as a misfit.
What you can know for sure is that YOU fit perfectly in Christ. His sacrifice, His pain, His suffering, was gladly received so YOU can have a place in Heaven.
Step out of the shadows and believe. God CAN use a misfit.
- Sonia E. Vargas